


don’t hurt yourself

by lovehyunjin



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Lim Changkyun | I.M-centric, M/M, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Protective Hyungs, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 16:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17328104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovehyunjin/pseuds/lovehyunjin
Summary: changkyun’s hyungs are always there for him





	don’t hurt yourself

today was a free day, meaning that the members of monsta x didn’t have any schedules or practice. the members had taken advantage of this and had arranged to do fun things before they were busy again. hyungwon and minhyuk had went out to spend the day together, hyunwoo met up with some got7 members who he used to train with, kihyun and jooheon visited their families, and wonho had gone out with an old friend of his. only changkyun was left at home since he had wanted to rest for the day before being bombarded with schedules again.

changkyun didn’t have a problem with being alone, but now was different. when he had scrolled through instagram earlier that day, he had come across a comment which ended up reminding him of no mercy. he’s tried ignoring but it was so engraved of his brain and he couldn’t stop himself from thinking of all the negativity from the show and how the other members had mostly all disliked him and treated him badly. he thought of all the times he’d felt depressed and compared himself to the others and all the times when he just couldn’t find a will to live anymore.

and then he’s back to those times and feeling that same depression that he’s experienced from so long ago and he just wants to stop the thoughts that are ringing in his head. he walks out of the dorm, trying to get his mind on anything else besides no mercy. but it doesn’t work and he finds himself back on the bridge that he used to walk on as a trainee when the world was too much and he didn’t know what else to do. he reminisces on all the terrible and incredibly negative times that he felt like he couldn’t do anything and came to this bridge as a last resort. and those rare times in the past when he’d came, nothing ever happened; he never listened to his mind that just urged him to leave the world, to jump and never go through any pain or hardships ever again.

he wonders if there’s really any point to life anymore, if all the struggles from before were really worth it. he thinks of his hyungs who are probably all having fun. he thinks of the countless times his hyungs had apologized about what they had done during no mercy and when they’d worried about him when he was just having a bad day (including the times when they’d worry for no reason), and all the times they’d taken care of him when he was sick, hurt, or whenever something was wrong and he needed his hyungs’ support. if i just left, the hyungs wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore; they wouldn’t need to take care of me; the dorm would be less cramped if i wasn’t there, and most of all it’d be another problem taken off the shoulders of earth.

_ maybe i wouldn’t have to suffer again and i would never be sad anymore. things are okay now, but what if things go bad again? i wouldn’t have to experience it if i just climbed over the rail and left. _ in that moment he forgot about all the happiness he experienced being with monsta x and performing on stage in front of all the fans and the amazing opportunities he received. he’s left with that familiar urge to go through with his plan and leave the seemingly wretched world. 

as he stands by the railing of the bridge, he’s far too deep in his thoughts to notice when wonho approaches him, yelling his name. when he doesn’t answer the first time, wonho continues calling him (even if “baby” technically isn’t his name). it’s not until wonho a footstep away that changkyun hears him and turns around. wonho hugs him tightly, saying something about how he’s sorry for being a bad hyung. changkyun tries to flee his grasp, not wanting his hyung to see him in this state, not that it hasn’t happened before. but wonho doesn’t let go of him, only loosening his hold a little before lifting the younger into his arms. none of them say anything during the entire journey home; wonho just presses tiny kisses onto his dongsaeng’s cheek.

when they return home, changkyun finds all the members sitting on the couch, clearly having waited for him and wonho to return home. “baby, come here”, kihyun says, beckoning changkyun to come over and sit on his lap.

“i’m sorry hyung,” he apologizes.

“no, baby, don’t be sorry. i’m the one who should be sorry. i’m your hyung. i shouldn’t have left you alone, i should’ve made sure you were okay,” kihyun says, wrapping his arms around changkyun.

“we’re all sorry, changkyunnie, we should’ve been better hyungs” hyungwon adds.

they sit in silence for a while since none of them wanted to actually start talking about what had happened.

“kyunnie, baby, can you tell hyungs what happened?” wonho asks, breaking the silence.

“i… i—“ he tries to explain but it all ends in changkyun tearing up.

“no, baby, it’s okay, don’t cry. take your time telling us,” kihyun says, pressing a kiss to his dongsaeng’s forehead and tightening his arms around the younger.

changkyun wipes a tear from his eyes and continues, “i-i was alone and s-started thinking about everything from no mercy—i saw a comment and i-it made me think about y-you guys were mean to me and how i was d-depressed at the time. and then i-i couldn’t stop thinking about it a-and i-i accidentally walked to th-that bridge — i-i couldn’t stop myself. a-and then wonho hyung found me and brought me here. i-i’m sorry.” he starts to cry a bit harder towards the end of the story.

“i know i've said this many times before but we’re really sorry for everything that happened during no mercy. please kyunnie, don’t hurt yourself —physically or mentally. we’re all here for you, just please tell us when you need help. hyungs won’t know when you’re struggling if you don’t come to us”, hyunwoo says.

“changkyunnie, none of this is your fault so don’t apologize,” minhyuk adds.

“baby, you feeling better now?” kihyun asks after a few seconds have passed and his tears have nearly diminished. changkyun wipes the last few tears from his eyes and nods in response to his hyung, partly to not worry the other members as much and also because it actually is true that he feels better now that his thoughts are so much more positive than before and he’s sitting in his hyung’s lap (which always makes him feel better, whether he wants to admit it or not, no matter the situation).

“hyung, i wanna cuddle”.

“cute,” kihyun says, giving changkyun yet another kiss on the cheek (because he can’t resist giving his cute little dongsaeng all the hugs and kisses he could ever ask for), “of course we can cuddle, baby”. he picks changkyun up and carries the younger in his arms all the way to his bed. he places changkyun in the middle of the bed, before asking “who do you want to cuddle with?”.

it only takes a few seconds for changkyun to decide that he wants to cuddle with all the members because he loves all his hyungs’ affection and he would feel too bad if he left out any of them. he snuggles under the covers, cuddled right next to kihyun and wonho (because apparently sitting on kihyun’s lap and being kissed and hugged a million times wasn’t enough for changkyun and he couldn't separate himself from the older).

“we love you so much, kkukungie but come to us next time, alright?” wonho murmurs to the already half-asleep maknae, who’s still awake enough to reply “kk hyung”.

“don’t hurt yourself, kyunnie. you’re my little precious baby and i love you so much” kihyun says, giving changkyun another kiss on his forehead (because changkyun can never have too many kisses).

and changkyun falls asleep cuddled in his hyungs’ arms, knowing that he will always have all the love in the world from his hyungs and that no matter what happens, his hyungs are there for him. and if, in the future, he ever feels like this again, the members are all there to reassure him that everything’s going to be okay, that it was never a mistake for him to join monsta x and to offer him all the cuddles and hugs and kisses he could ever ask for.


End file.
